Wednesday, January 4, 2012

my little confessions

There are some meltdowns I faced in 2011 and I know I should let go of the past but my intention posting this was maybe in some way when people read it, they can get something out of it as a lesson maybe? so in this post, I am not pointing fingers at anybody alright. There is one thing that I am pretty suprised with. While I was in STAD, basically I spent my whole time with my dorm mates, my best friends but I never actually thought that they would miss me as much back when I leave. Because most of the times I do feel left out with my friends that are my age you know. I will end up knowing some old news about some things when I actually sit with them and whenever they spill them out, I have to ask just so that I can get to know more. Sounds silly right? I know I didn't really mingle around people a lot but you know, It kinda makes me feel like, I'm the least person they would like to talk to. I know some people who was annoyed with me and simply hates me that whole entire time so my mind was thinking like maybe I will never be truly happy or truly be likable to people and will never fit in. I was mentally bullied and some also physically but you know, I can't believe I survived and went through all of that in like, 10 months. Other than my mom in need for my help around the house, the reason why I left was because I really thought I wouldn't be truly happy and truly be who I really am. As you guys might not know, I made a Throughout the Years 2011 video on my previous post and I talked about how I was in STAD. Leave that happiness aside for awhile, I definitely changed in a bad way as well. So, I really didn't like hearing and seeing the some sort of beast part of me and Its not healthy for me. But right now I'm feeling rather guilty leaving those who really appreciate me for who I am and honestly I didn't see that coming. You never know what you got til it's gone huh? I am truly sorry for everything. But honestly maybe some of you guys reading this might think like this whole thing about me leaving seems like I am running away from my problems and I look like such a coward because I rather leave than facing and handling and fixing them but it is easy for some of you guys to say that. This is just a part of it. Besides, SPM is coming really soon so, I don't have the time to pampered my emotions and you know, worry about silly things so that was how I want to fix my situation. I'm not running from anything really. I hope some of you guys understood what my messages were in this post. But I wouldn't change anything to get those kind of experience. :')

I am Maisarah and this is my  last words. May all that had happen becomes another memory to remember by and another moment to cherish for life. I will always be the girl who isn't as popular but has quite a few people who will always be there when I need them to.

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